5 years

Today marks 5 years since my mom passed away. I remember finding out the terrible news all too well. On the night of the 22nd, my younger daughter had gone sliding across the kitchen floor and fell flat on her nose. We took her to the urgent care, because we were pretty sure that her nose was broken. When we got back from there, I thought about calling my mom to let her know, but it was kind of late, so I figured I would wait until the next day to call. Sadly, I never got the chance.

Some time around 2:30 or 3:00 am, we were woken up by the doorbell being rung repeatedly along with a constant, loud banging on the front door. Pete got up and looked out the window and said "it's the police!". Our first thought was that our security system had gone off and we somehow missed it. So, he went downstairs and answered the door. Within seconds, he was back upstairs telling me that it was my SIL and her father (who is a cop and was on duty at the time) at the door and that something was wrong with my mom. For some reason, the ringer on our bedroom phone had been turned off, so repeated attempts to call us that night had failed, so they came to our house.

I walked to the bottom of the stairs, where they stood, just inside the door. My SIL said that my mom was at the hospital, and asked if I wanted to know what happened then, or wait til we got there. I said I wanted to know. She proceeded to tell me that my mom had had a massive heart attack...and she didn't make it. I remember shaking my head and saying "No, this isn't supposed to happen right now". There I was 6 months pregnant, and she was only 45 years old!

Trin's dad insisted that I ride to the hospital in the cruiser. That drive, which was actually probably less than 10 minutes, seemed to take an eternity. I sat in the front seat, shaking and trying not to throw up, as the lights on the side of the road were a complete blur to me.

Apparently, my mom had gone upstairs to bed around 10pm, and my dad had fallen asleep in the living room watching tv. He woke up and went up to bed around 1:00 am, and had found her lifeless, lips turning blue. He immediately called 911, and they tried to revive her, and continued to do so even after arriving at the hospital, but it was simply too late. I still feel bad to this day, that I did not just call her that previous night. Even if I had woken her up, I would have been able to hear her voice one last time, and tell her I love her one last time.

I am 29 years old, and there are still times when I need my mommy! She was always the person I would call whenever I was feeling happy or sad or overwhelmed. I talked to her every day. That time was extremely difficult for me, because I was devastated, and I couldn't call her and talk to her about it.

I am currently going through a very trying and stressful time in my life, and I would love to have my mom around to comfort me and hug me. I miss her SO very much!!!