My World

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Craptastic Christmas

I'm feeling a bit down tonight. I love to open presents, and it seems that each year I have less and less things to open. Of course a lot of my presents came from my parents (which my mom bought) but now that my mom's gone, and dad doesn't shop, we got $ from him. Now don't get me wrong, I'd much rather get $ than a bunch of junk presents that I can't use. I just felt a bit jipped I suppose on the opening of presents this year. I got a nice PartyLite Christmas tree with some magnetic ornaments and tealights from Trin and ghraper. My mom's parents gave me a cute purse with an L on it and a $25 gift card to WalMart. My mother in law gave me a glass bowl thing with 3 floating candles. And my father in law and his girlfriend have me a gift basket from bath and body works. I got nothing from my dad's parents and nothing from my brother in law and his family. My hubby and I also did not exchange gifts this year due to finances, or lack there of. I used to look so forward to Christmas and opening presents. Christmas this year just didn't seem right somehow. It never felt like Christmas for me. And now it's over. O well. Time to move on. I'm hoping that 2005 brings a better year than the one that is ending. The only good thing that came out of 2004 for me is my son!

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Presents

I love wrapping presents. I think I do it quite well, if you ask me. (Especially if the boxes are rectangular). My daughters always want to help me wrap, but I just can't stand a messily wrapped gift. I will occasionally let them put on some tape. I did this the other night and my younger daughter wrinkled every piece of tape she put on. I don't know why this bugs me so much, but it does. She also ripped one of the presents. I was able to repair it with a bit of tape, but I'm not completely satisfied with it. O well. Life goes on. I was at my grandma's house today and wrapped a lot of her presents for her. I had fun. She watched the kiddos while I wrapped because she hates to do it. It was relaxing for me. The girls kept coming and knocking on the bedroom door, where I was, making excuses for why they just HAD to come in. (them: "I have to go to the bathroom" me: "ther's another bathroom out there, use that one" them: "I need to brush my teeth and my toothbrush is in that bathroom" me: "well then, you'll just have to wait"). Yeah, I knew what they were up to. They knew I was wrapping gifts for them and they wanted to try to get a peak. I was a kid once, I know how their mischievous little minds work. I still have a few presents left to wrap at home, a couple that my hubby still needs to buy so I can wrap them, because I really didn't want to have to wrap presents on Christmas eve, but it looks like I will.

One For The Ladies

By the way, this was NOT written by me. I just thought it was hilarious. Enjoy!

The first thing you should know is that hair removal is not my friend. The particular talent of removing unwanted hair has eluded me and,dare I say, become both my identifying trademark and downfall. True story...
All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now ...The Wax. My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours:maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet. I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think. So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer! And heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my butt. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire! With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right butt cheek. Yeah, it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself.
RRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind! Blind from the pain!
Vision returning.
Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medalist. But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where could the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby." I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet. I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut.
Butt? Sealed shut.
A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to crap anytime soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I should do next. Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong. I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.
Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So now I'm stuck to the tub.
I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my hoohoo and butt are stuck to the tub." She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She wants to know exactly where the wax is on my butt. "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now. I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth. "While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off! In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and we hang up. I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet. Never know when a moustache might start to come in.
Tonight, I attempt hair dying.

Cleaning!

Well, like I mentioned before, we are having Christmas here this year with guru's side of the family. It will be this Sunday. I left the kids with my grandma today so I could actually do some cleaning. I simply cannot clean with them around. Especially the baby who won't let me go out of his sight let alone put him down without screaming his head off! AARRGGH!! That is soooo frustrating. So I'm taking a break right now after spending the last 2 hours cleaning up the downstairs (and I haven't even mopped or vacuumed yet!) It didn't look like there was THAT big of a mess, but my kids "toy corner" was a mess and I did a thorough job of cleaning it out and throwing some things away and straightening it so it looks presentable. Now I just have to keep them out of it until after Sunday. Good luck with that, Lo. Now I need to clean upstairs which is going to be an even bigger task than downstairs, but I don't have time to do it all before I have to go and pick up my children. I HATE this! I can't stand the mess. I'm going insane. But I can't keep this house clean with my children who refuse to pick up their messes and a baby who won't let me leave him for a second. I've told my girls that they need to put away whatever they get out to play with before they get out any more toys. That way they'll never have a mess to clean up. They fart around and complain so much when I tell them to clean their rooms that I always end up doing it myself and there is always a HUGE mess. I've threatend to throw all their toys away if they can't keep them picked up, but then I always feel bad about throwing things away that were expensive or still good toys. They have way too many. And no matter how many times I tell them not to bring their toys out of their bedrooms, they still do! It makes me so mad. I hate cleaning! I also hate messes! What's a girl to do, I say?

p.s. We're having chicken Sunday! I know how to make it and it tastes good. If anyone has a problem with it, they can bite me!

Picky, Picky, Picky!

We all have at least one person on our Christmas shopping list that is extremely difficult to buy for. For me, it is my grandfather. What do you get for somebody who is so incredibly picky about EVERYTHING?! Not only is he picky, but he already has everything that he needs and/or wants because if he needs and/or wants something, my grandma just buys it for him. So there is NOTHING that he needs. My grandma suggested a shirt. But again with the pickiness factor. It has to be a button down shirt with 2 front pockets that have buttons. Oh, and it has to be made in the USA. He likes to wear hats, but he has 1 hat that he wears all the time and says that other hats don't fit him right. He likes word searches, but he would probably complain about the print being too small. Then my grandma suggested getting him a cd. Well, if he wants a cd during the year, he gets it, so there aren't any out there that he wants and doesn't have. He doesn't even listen to music that often anyway. What do you get someone who has so many stipulations on things. He has certain things that he likes and nothing else is good enough. Right down to the kind of socks he wears. They have to be a certain kind and a certain brand or they don't fit right. Argh! I just want to give him a lump of coal and say "that's what you get for being so fargin' picky!"

What to do about Christmas?

Our Chrismas gathering with guru's side of the family is usually at his dad's house. It's always a bit cramped because his dining room is on the small side and seating sucks (2 big butts have to squeeze onto the piano bench or one big butt and 2 little ones). Now this year, we have another person to add to the table. This one needs a highchair. It's never gonna fit. It also means we'd have to take a highchair with us. My idea is to have the gathering at our house where we can spread out more. Also, there will be no dog or dog hair on the carpet so I can actually let the baby crawl around and not have to hold him the whole time. Now, the problem is this...If the gathering is at my house, I have to do the cooking. I HATE cooking!! But, for the above mentioned reasons, I would be willing to do it. However, I have never cooked a turkey in my life. I have absolutely NO desire to put my hand inside a dead bird and clean out the guts. I would buy a ready to cook bird, but they are very expensive. What should I do? I really want it at our house this year, but how do I get a nice turkey dinner when I can't cook the turkey?

Life Sucks!

So the right rear tire on my minivan went flat over the weekend. It sat in my garage until hubby put on the spare on Sunday (The 5 of us cramed into his Ford Contour the whole weekend). Then today I went in to get it fixed. I went in hoping that there was just a nail or something in it and it could be plugged and patched. $20 and I'm outta there. No such luck. They told me the tire was unsafe to fix and that I would have to buy a new tire. Then my grandma, who came with me, told the guy he should check the other tires too, "just to be safe". To which of course I replied, "I don't have money to replace all my tires, grandma, are you gonna pay for them?" Well, turns out, both of my front tires were unsafe as well and also needed replaced. Great! As if we weren't already wondering how we were going to pay our car payments and buy Christmas presents, I had to shell out $237 on new tires! And that was at the Discount Tire Co. Why do these things always happen to me? Why always at times when I need any extra money I can find? Life is just throwing me many lemons and I don't have the recipe for lemonade!

Free Food Tastes Good!

Last night my hubby and I went out to celebrate my bithday with dinner and a movie. Well, we ended up not even eating dinner. You can read about that here on guru's blog. His story is accurate except that he makes it sound like he had to twist my arm to let him call the manager, when in fact, I just didn't want to stop on the way out of the restaraunt and cause a scene. I figured we could just call and talk to him later (which he did). Well, we went in this afternoon and ate lunch and of course it was free. I don't know if everything tasted so good because there happened to be a good cook there, or if it was because it was on the house. I think a combination of the two. I was able to sit and enjoy my meal and not have to worry about the money we would be shelling out for it. Maybe the bad experience last night was actually a blessing in that way. Then we went to see Ocean's Twelve. A good movie, as was Ocean's Eleven. The only thing I didn't really care for was how there was a lot of jerky camera movement. It was making me dizzy to where I had to close my eyes a few times to keep from getting seasick. I don't remember the first one being quite so bad about that.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well as all of my loyal readers already know, today is my 25th birthday. It has been a nice one. It started out with my hubby taking the baby with him when he took our oldest daughter to school this morning and letting me sleep. Then he brought me breakfast in bed when he got back along with my present (a gold ring with a heart shaped stone). Then I just hung around the house until late afternoon when I had to go renew my driver's license. Of course the picture sucked donkey kong, but I think most driver's license photos do. Then the family and I went to my grandparents' house for dinner. We had chicken, corn, green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy and rolls. My dad came over and ate with us too. Tomorrow hubby and I will officially go out for my b-day. The girls are going to spend the night with their papaw (my dad) and my grandma will watch the baby and we'll pick him up on our way home. I think we're going to go see Ocean's Twelve. Should be a great movie! I am a bit sad today, however, since this is the first birthday I am celebrating without the person who gave birth to me. I wish she was here to share today with me and that I could hear her tell me "happy birthday". But I can't. Well that's it for now, I'm kinda tired of typing since I had this all typed out and it got lost when I tried to post it and I had to do it all over again. Stupid Blogger!!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree!

Well, I decided to put up my Christmas tree. I wasn't sure if I would because of the baby crawling around and whatnot, but I was bored Sunday night while my hubby went to Damons with ghraper and drifter to watch the Steelers game. And since Desperate Housewives wasn't on, I thought, what the hay! It's kinda skimpy in the ornament department, but I plan on trying to snag some more when they go on clearance at the end of the season. No real theme, just hodgepodge. Here's a couple of pictures of it if you care to check it out. So to quote Grover...
Near


Far


Oh, and I'm sure you noticed that I have no tree topper. I actually have an angel, but she kept falling over. So I went out and bought a star to put on it but, again, same problem. So I'll be taking that back to the store. I don't know what to put up there, maybe I could steal the idea of putting a Santa hat up there. But I suppose that would be unoriginal and I wouldn't want to step on any toes. So, I know my Charlie Brown tree is kinda lame, but at least I put it up, huh? If all you bloggers feel like it, why don't you all show off your trees too? Maybe I could get some ideas for next year.

Party Time!

Apparently today is the day for kids birthday parties. My oldest has a friend from school who is having a skating party today and my younger daughter has a friend from church who is having his party at Magic Mountain. Of course they both start at 2:00 so my hubby and I will have to each take one. Guru is going to take the oldest to hers and drop her off and I'll take the younger one to hers and stay there with her. The little man will go with his daddy so I don't have to juggle him and watching his sister at the same time. Should be tons-o-fun.